Saying Goodbye

I realize that I’ve been silent for a while, (again), and it might seem odd that I would suddenly re-appear and post about something that appears to be a trivial subject, but I’ve been rather conflicted lately, and perhaps trivial subjects are safer right now than some of the other subject matter that is swirling around in my head.  To put it bluntly — sometimes talking about nothing is better than talking about something, so today I’m going to talk  about a recent event that got me to feeling all nostalgic and warm and fuzzy, while simultaneously filling me up with a bit of sadness.

Yes, it’s silly, in some respects.  But then again, I’m only human.  To hear the story, click on “tell me more”.

There have been a lot of changes in my life in the past several months.  Multiple surgeries for abdominal cancer, and a slow and not-completely successful recovery period, followed by more months of slow and not-so-successful recovery, which leaves me still in the recovery phase.  Just when it seems I take two steps forward in my recovery, some complication or another crops up and sets me back several steps, and I have to take a deep breath and begin again.  And again.

On top of the health issues, I’m also facing a move.  Long story short, the sister I once shared a home with suddenly moved to an apartment.  She doesn’t deal with illness well, and my health issues terrified her.  She couldn’t pack and leave quick enough.  Different people deal with illness in different ways.  Her sudden departure also means that I’m stuck in a rental lease on this house, and now have to cover not only my half of the expenses, but her half as well.

Of course, because I am unable to work and am on medical disability, my income is barely enough to cover my half of the expenses.  It surely does not support her half as well, so that leaves me in a position of having to move to a place that is smaller and less expensive.  Obviously, because of my health, I can’t pack boxes or clean closets, so it’s a bit frustrating to be planning a move, but being totally unable to prepare for it.  This situation is testing my patience.

Because I know I will be downsizing to a smaller place, I’m doing what I can to give away, or rid myself of as many of my extra possessions as possible, so as to have less to move when the day comes for moving.  I’ve been watching the ads on freecycle dot org, (an online source for people to give away or receive things for free).  I’ve managed to find people that were in need of an artifical Christmas tree (gone), a camera (gone), a dining room table (gone), an old cell phone (gone), a small microwave oven (gone), a set of shelves (gone), an antique rocking chair (gone), a computer printer (gone), a large dog crate (gone), a coffee table with two side tables (gone), a 9 x 12 area rug (gone), and most recently, and old wooden desk that has lived with me for almost twenty years (gone).

Don’t ask me why, but saying goodbye to that old, beat-up and banged up heavy wooden desk caused my heart to ache a little bit.  Maybe it was the memories of my grandchildren sitting at the desk, knee-deep in crayons and glue and glitter, or maybe it was the knowledge that it had once been a school teacher’s desk at an old country school near my city, or maybe it was the memories of all the countless hours I spent working jigsaw puzzles on the smooth glass surface.  Whatever the reason, my heart ached at the thought of saying goodbye.  The desk has moved with me at least three times before, but this time around, I knew it was time to say goodbye.  It was time to let it go live in someone else’s house, so they could build their own memories.

Letting go of something you hold precious is tricky.  It fills your heart with sadness, but it also revives all those memories that are tied to that object, and as an added bonus, it also gives you the chance to experience the joy of giving.  Even though it seems like it was just yesterday that my grandchildren needed help to get up into the chair so they could wrap their stubby little fingers around a crayon, in reality, my grandchildren are now old enough to drive, and they go to work every day, and are starting families of their own.

That old wooden desk has served our family well.

It was time to say goodbye.

Letting it go might have caused my heart to ache a little bit, but it also feels good to lighten my own load, and in the process, give a gift to someone else.  To see the happiness and joy in the face of the person who came to my home to pick up the desk, well, that was a gift I gave to myself.  It helped me remember that in losing something, sometimes we gain much more than we lose.

“Someone is sitting in the shade today, because someone planted a tree a long time ago.”  Warren Buffett

“We can’t help everyone, but everyone can help someone.”  Ronald Reagan (1911 – 2004)

“Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts.”  Sivananda Saraswati (1887 – 1963)

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p.s.  Thank you to all that have visited or commented.  My time at the computer is very limited, but I sincerely appreciate that you took the time to stop by for a visit, and hope to be visiting with you again soon.

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