On a Wing and a Prayer
As is usually the case these days, I’ve been mostly absent from blogging. Every now and again I jump on and float around a bit, sometimes even managing to leave a comment or click a “Like” button, but mostly I stay huddled in the quiet, trying as hard as I know how, not to speak up or say anything much at all. I’m afraid I won’t like what comes tumbling out, so I figure it best to just let things simmer until I can find a better perspective. Hope I’m still alive when that happens.
Anyway, wanted to take a moment to share something I found via a Freshly Pressed link. This isn’t the blog entry that was Freshly Pressed (check out the January 10th post for that one), but as is sometimes the case, after landing in her blog space, I sifted and sorted my way through some of the archives, and ended up here, and was surprised at my reaction to this piece. I’ll leave it at this — sometimes, rarely, when we least expect it, we bump across something that sounds true. Even when we aren’t ready to hear it.
At another time, or a later date, I’ll be back with news on where I’m at these days. For now, just wanted to say that I appreciate each of you that have taken the time to share a kind word, or have sent some encouragement my way. I’m reflecting back to you my own wishes that your life is somehow bearable, and even, dare-I-say-it-out-loud, enjoyable.
photo: http://www.hellotrade.com/on-the-wings-of-angels/product3.html
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about me: I’m a fifty-ish person that has lived for many years with major depression, as well as PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), DID (dissassociative identity disorder), BPD (borderline personality disorder), BAD (bipolar affective disorder, sometimes known as manic depression), and a host of other equally inconvenient labels that persistently get in the way of me living a quiet and otherwise normal life.
Generally speaking, these conditions can mostly be traced back to my ongoing journey of recovery from a very abusive and humiliating version of childhood that left me feeling unlovable and damaged and broken. The psychological and physical damage have carried over into adulthood, and although it’s often been an uphill battle, as the years have progressed, I’ve learned more and more about how to adapt. I’m always open to exploring new methods that might improve my quality of life, and I believe in sharing information with others that might be traveling a similar journey. My hope is that my blog space might help inspire, or encourage. We’re in this together.
Some days, we simply have to hang on long enough to allow the scenery to change. Those days will pass. Really, they will.
Some of my history: I was married for eighteen years to a man who was mostly kind and gentle, and we shared a lot of laughter and love. During this time, I was fortunate to be given the opportunity to raise two uniquely different sons who are now grown and married, and still surprise me on a fairly regular basis. Despite being raised in a home affected by a parent struggling with psychological issues, they have matured into decent and kind young men.
I’m also lucky to have two daughter-in-laws that are both excellent moms and very strong women. They are what every mother hopes for when their son finds a life partner. Additionally, I’m blessed with three beautiful grandchildren, who are all three nearly grown now, even though Nana tends to forget that they aren’t babies anymore. To me, they’ll always be my precious sweeties.
These days I do what I can to continue in my determination to survive, (and thrive), and in the process try to appreciate the beauty that surrounds me. I make an intentional effort to keep an open mind and an open spirit. Despite the negatives or challenges that can punctuate any life experience, I spend a considerable amount of time being grateful and appreciative of my overall life journey. I like to learn, so I’m always asking questions. I believe if we can help someone, we should, and that a generosity of spirit is not a sign of weakness, but rather, a gift of love.
In the end, I expect to pass from this life with more questions than answers, and I’m okay with that. Really.
I chose the photo above as a reminder to notice the beautiful, and because the energy of the vibrant colors contrasted against the delicate wings of the butterfly speaks to my sense of continuity and balance. Thanks for visiting my blog today.
you can send an email to: ntexas99 @ yahoo dot com
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I am so honored that you shared this, and touched by your words. Thank you so much.
best wishes to you
Hope you’re doing better, 99.
I like her motto. Life until life makes sense. Hoping you find happy blips in your day.
Thank you for sharing the wings. The blog was wonderful. God bless, ntexas99.
FInding yourself at that post was a blessing, and now you’ve shared it with others. Thank you! I hope your day is weederful!