Invisible Shadow

About

                                                                          using this as a safe space to quietly think out loud

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caution: some content may be triggering or offensive. That means this blog is intended for mature audiences only.  No exceptions.  Thanks.

about me:  I’m a fifty-ish person that has lived for many years with major depression, as well as PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), DID (dissassociative identity disorder), BPD (borderline personality disorder), BAD (bipolar affective disorder, sometimes known as manic depression), and a host of other equally  inconvenient labels that persistently get in the way of me living a quiet and otherwise normal life.

Generally speaking, these conditions can mostly be traced back to my ongoing journey of recovery from a very abusive and humiliating version of childhood that left me feeling unlovable and damaged and broken. The psychological and physical damage have carried over into adulthood, and although it’s often been an uphill battle, as the years have progressed, I’ve learned more and more about how to adapt.  I’m always open to exploring new methods that might improve my quality of life, and I believe in sharing information with others that might be traveling a similar journey.  My hope is that my blog space might help inspire, or encourage.  We’re in this together.

Some days, we simply have to hang on long enough to allow the scenery to change.  Those days will pass.  Really, they will.

Some of my history:  I was married for eighteen years to a man who was mostly kind and gentle, and we shared a lot of laughter and love.  During this time, I was fortunate to be given the opportunity to raise two uniquely different sons who are now grown and married, and still surprise me on a fairly regular basis.  Despite being raised in a home affected by a parent struggling with psychological issues, they have matured into decent and kind young men.

I’m also lucky to have two daughter-in-laws that are both excellent moms and very strong women.  They are what every mother hopes for when their son finds a life partner.  Additionally, I’m blessed with three beautiful grandchildren, who are all three nearly grown now, even though Nana tends to forget that they aren’t babies anymore.  To me, they’ll always be my precious sweeties.

These days I do what I can to continue in my determination to survive, (and thrive), and in the process try to appreciate the beauty that surrounds me.  I make an intentional effort to keep an open mind and an open spirit.  Despite the negatives or challenges that can punctuate any life experience, I spend a considerable amount of time being grateful and appreciative of my overall life journey.  I like to learn, so I’m always asking questions.  I believe if we can help someone, we should, and that a generosity of spirit is not a sign of weakness, but rather, a gift of love.

In the end, I expect to pass from this life with more questions than answers, and I’m okay with that.  Really.

I chose the photo above as a reminder to notice the beautiful, and because the energy of the vibrant colors contrasted against the delicate wings of the butterfly speaks to my sense of continuity and balance.  Thanks for visiting my blog today.

you can send an email to:  ntexas99 @ yahoo dot com